Eating A Dead Horse

To continue celebration of February Movie Sucktasticthon I thought I would do another review of a February movie. This time I saw Hannibal Rising and I think my eyes are trying to punish me for putting them through it, oh wait, I was just thinking of the exploding eyeball scene from the movie.

Man has this series dropped in quality from the Oscar winning Silence of the Lambs. This movie tries to explain to us where Hannibal came from and how he became the monster that he became but my question is did I really want to know? Hannibal was always the perfect movie monster because you didn't know why he does what he does but you do know that he is much smarter than you. Knowing what motivates him takes away from that unknown and turns him into a little boy who misses his little sister.

Now that I've dismantled the reason to make this movie or even the book for that matter, I'll go about dismantling the movie. It's crap. It wasn't poorly acted or poorly written but its just this movie just feels like a waste of time. If your going to make a movie without any stirring characters or a good story then you would think they would at least make up for it with new and fun ways to kill people but even that was lacking. Drowning? come on. Katanaed? Meh. What happened to flaying someone alive and turning them into a giant butterfly? I'll even take a good brain eating. Even the aforementioned eyeball explosion was edited in such a way so you don't see what's going on. Even the hot Asian chick in the movie was a let down. That's right, I was waiting for a good boobie shot but even that turned into false gold.

So to sum up: a waste of time, no real gore, and zero boobies. I give it a three out of ten.